


That's Just Who I Am This Week

by clytemnestras



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-19
Updated: 2015-11-19
Packaged: 2018-05-02 10:23:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5244773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clytemnestras/pseuds/clytemnestras
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No, I’m not ok. But I haven’t been ok /<br/>since I was 11, maybe 12. I am still here though./<br/>I’m still breathing. For me, sometimes, /<br/>that will have to be enough</p>
            </blockquote>





	That's Just Who I Am This Week

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Tenshinrtaiga](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tenshinrtaiga/gifts).



_21._  
  
  
She tugs on the jean shorts where the pockets are all ripped out and the grey hoodie she stole from  _FreddieEddieWhatshisname_  and hangs all her fucks out to dry.  
  
There's an illegal fireplace on the left side of the apartment, a pile of notebooks beside it.  
  
She lights up a ciggarette.  
  
  
_20._  
  
  
She hangs her diploma above the mantle, then buries it with piles of books.  
  
She lost her job in the library. Again.  
  
She took every book she could carry.  
  
  
_19._  
  
  
She signs off on the napkin with an "x"  
  
It's not a kiss, it's a mild deathwish.  
  
She gets three calls that night.  
  
Later, she'll find one of her leather skirts draped over wider hips and a smile that never catches her from across the room. Now, though, she has sticky sheets and a half written dissertation.  
  
She hates that her life is a poorly-played Fall Out Boy song.  
  
She sings  _Sugar_  to herself in the dorm shower.  
  
  
_18._  
  
  
She hates Rome. She hates London. She hates New York.  
  
She wakes up that day and has no idea what country she's in.  
  
Oh yeah, she hates Cleveland most of all.  
  
  
_17._  
  
  
She thinks maybe there's something wrong with being able to say "I'll cut your balls off with a serrated kitchen knife" in four dead languages.  
  
She doesn't hold it against herself, though.  
  
Except when she does. But her fingernails and her safety pins promise not to tell anyone else.  
  
  
_16._  
  
  
She hasn't stopped crying in 13 days.  
  
She doesn't exactly plan on stopping.  
  
  
_15._  
  
  
She knows none of them care that she's listening, that she's creeping up behind handrails with notebooks and and pens and filling every blank space with every story the world can tell her when it thinks no ears are pressed to it.  
  
Buffy calls it "an invasion of privacy."  
  
Buffy gets a pillow to the face.  
  
  
_14._  
  
  
She thinks she might be special.  
  
She thinks it might be in the wrong kind of way.  
  
She thinks superheroes are kind of overrated.  
  
  
_13._  
  
  
She is. Hmm. She's floaty and free and the worst thing in all the universe.  
  
She's wild.  
  
  
_12._  
  
  
She isn't.


End file.
